Fuck you cancer, TRULY.
I refuse to dignify or give you any credence by calling you the "Big C"....you miserable little fuck, I want to you to slink quickly away down the dark hell infested alley you nastily burbled up from, away from those I love, I work with, those I don't even know.
I really am mad as hell...mad I can't seem to find my life spirit I so desperately need because every single day I get hit with it again, and again, and again...a friend who's son just got diagnosed with leukemia, a co-worker who's husband just found stage 4 lung cancer, a man fighting bladder cancer as he walks his daughter down the aisle, a very dear, talented amazing friend who died...yes, left the earth at 31 to breast cancer just a few weeks ago. I hate this disease.
Every time I hear that word again, the newest diagnoses I cry.
Because now I have to live for those who can't.
And it's so hard...so very hard when you can't rise above the sadness.
And not only do I see it in the people who are diagnosed and die...I see it in the shitty food we eat, the chemicals that surround us, the air and water that are far from what they should be. The now constant elevated stress levels we ALL are dealing with in terms of lost jobs, constant company reorganizations, too little money, homes being taken away, our monetary and political systems that are failing...stress, stress and more stress.
The body and mind can take only so much...and cancer is the price that's paid.
Every single statistic is a brother, sister, mother, father, lover, husband, best friend. Someone who is loved deeply, made a difference and will be missed beyond belief.
By 2020...a mere 8 years away 40% of people will have or have had this disease. DIS-EASE.
1 in 2 men and 1 in 3 women.
You or someone you know and love will deal with the disfiguring surgery to cut away body and body parts, the ingestion of poison to get one step ahead..or not, the lost work, the lost life, the fear, the radiation, the lost wages, the lost home, the loss of well...everything.
And even if you beat it...you fear it will return. Miserable little fuck that it is.
So shine the light. Educate yourself and others. Get regular check ups..if something is not quite right, trust your instincts and find out what's going on. Donate. Eat right and encourage others to do the same. Keep those vices in moderation, or get rid of them once and for all...and fight, fight, fight, fight HARD to make the world a more loving, balanced, healthy stress free place to be.
Because I don't know how much more I can take.
but..."I'm mad as hell and I won't take it anymore".
And I hope you feel the same way.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Just The Facts Ma'm....part deux
A year ago last April I reported a very different set of facts click here
I like the following ones a hell of a lot better.
As of today:
Catscan- clear
Petscan- clear
Colonoscopy- no polyps found
Biopsy from Colonoscopy - negative
Bloodwork - back to normal
It's official No Evidence Of Disease.
This is what I was waiting for...
Thank you Universe! I am profoundly grateful.
I like the following ones a hell of a lot better.
As of today:
Catscan- clear
Petscan- clear
Colonoscopy- no polyps found
Biopsy from Colonoscopy - negative
Bloodwork - back to normal
It's official No Evidence Of Disease.
This is what I was waiting for...
Thank you Universe! I am profoundly grateful.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
The Battle is O'er...
But did I win the war?
A must of a strategic perspective for anyone fighting to win. I think right now I could pick up a Magic-8 ball and could get, "The future is cloudy", "No", "Yes" or perhaps the most accurate..."ask again later".
I did make it.
I made it through 5 weeks of chemo combined with radiation, major surgery to remove a large part of my rectum and colon, a temporary colostomy bag, 6 l-o-n-g months of chemo, and an illeostomy reversal.
I recently had both a Cat Scan and PET scan come back clear, and the marker in my blood that went up with the cancer diagnoses is now officially back to normal.
But am I? And will I ever be? Will this horrible experience descend again...?
"ask again later".
I made it through no doubt, due to an incredible support network of friends and family and positive energy and prayer from literally around the world. That's the largest part...but the other part I just recently discovered was both a blessing and a curse. What I recently discovered is that part of the reason I made it through was because I put my head down and just kept walkin'...
No matter what horrific thing I was told, no matter how many horrific things they kept throwing at me I just nodded my head and said "let's do this thing'...I was determined, I was focused, I just kept walking. I scheduled and showed up for the surgery, I took the poison, I gave the blood, I laid down for the radiation....
But what I wasn't doing as I found out recently, was emotionally dealing with all of this. Because it was so horrific...it was too horrific for me to really stop and think about it and deal with at the time. REALLY deal with it. Because if I had really faced the horrific-ness I more than likely would have stopped walking and started running...away...as far as possible.
So now's the time for me to deal...and cry and mourn, the process, the event, the lost time and body-parts, the dis-ease, the destruction the...horrific-ness of it all.
Because if I don't, I can't move on. And I won't be completely well.
Do you have any idea how sad and frustrating it is to realize the enemy is gone?
But you don't feel like you've won?
I still don't feel good. My digestive system is still learning to work again...I want to jump up and down and thank everyone and say Yay!! We Won!!
But I can't, not yet...and maybe not for 5 years and maybe not ever.
But I can take this next step...wholeheartedly, mindfully in the present and try.
I guess I still need to keep walkin' for a little while longer...
A must of a strategic perspective for anyone fighting to win. I think right now I could pick up a Magic-8 ball and could get, "The future is cloudy", "No", "Yes" or perhaps the most accurate..."ask again later".
I did make it.
I made it through 5 weeks of chemo combined with radiation, major surgery to remove a large part of my rectum and colon, a temporary colostomy bag, 6 l-o-n-g months of chemo, and an illeostomy reversal.
I recently had both a Cat Scan and PET scan come back clear, and the marker in my blood that went up with the cancer diagnoses is now officially back to normal.
But am I? And will I ever be? Will this horrible experience descend again...?
"ask again later".
I made it through no doubt, due to an incredible support network of friends and family and positive energy and prayer from literally around the world. That's the largest part...but the other part I just recently discovered was both a blessing and a curse. What I recently discovered is that part of the reason I made it through was because I put my head down and just kept walkin'...
No matter what horrific thing I was told, no matter how many horrific things they kept throwing at me I just nodded my head and said "let's do this thing'...I was determined, I was focused, I just kept walking. I scheduled and showed up for the surgery, I took the poison, I gave the blood, I laid down for the radiation....
But what I wasn't doing as I found out recently, was emotionally dealing with all of this. Because it was so horrific...it was too horrific for me to really stop and think about it and deal with at the time. REALLY deal with it. Because if I had really faced the horrific-ness I more than likely would have stopped walking and started running...away...as far as possible.
So now's the time for me to deal...and cry and mourn, the process, the event, the lost time and body-parts, the dis-ease, the destruction the...horrific-ness of it all.
Because if I don't, I can't move on. And I won't be completely well.
Do you have any idea how sad and frustrating it is to realize the enemy is gone?
But you don't feel like you've won?
I still don't feel good. My digestive system is still learning to work again...I want to jump up and down and thank everyone and say Yay!! We Won!!
But I can't, not yet...and maybe not for 5 years and maybe not ever.
But I can take this next step...wholeheartedly, mindfully in the present and try.
I guess I still need to keep walkin' for a little while longer...
Thursday, May 26, 2011
On the good foot...once again.
Last April 1st...I started this journey.
I was scared, bewildered, nervous, but promised myself 2 things, I would find the good somewhere in all of this and I would start "on the good foot".
I did.
Now tomorrow I take the last and final step in this long journey.
Tomorrow I have "take down" surgery, which is just a fancy-schmancy way of saying ileostomy reversal. I can hardly wait. Living life with a colostomy bag has been unbelievable, unbelievably YUCK.
There was not a moment that I wasn't aware that I had it. It made me self conscious, unable to take regular showers (so not to loosen the seal)and hurt...bad. I have lived in black leggings since last August when I had surgery. I couldn't wear jeans or a lot of my clothes. It was always there, always present and in the back of my mind 24/7.
I've had to completely change my diet for fear of getting a blockage (which = immediate emergency room surgery) and have not had a fresh vegetable or fruit since I got the bag.
I want to dive right into a caesar salad and rub it all over my body at this point. Although the up-side is I could have all the eggs, meat, pasta and rice that I wanted with no weight gain. Going so far as to one day having made the ultra rich and fattening Hollandaise sauce made from 3 egg yolks and a stick of butter, and ate the entire thing...and didn't gain an ounce. Yeah, won't be able to do it again...but nice to get to do it at least once.
I lost 30-35 pounds. I'll take that side effect!!
And am determined to keep my weight down, eat healthier, be more active and keep every single follow up appointment.
I am going to live better.
And am I still scared and nervous?
Yes.
But will finish my journey, along with my incredible friends and Team Fuck Off (whom I could not have done any of this without..) on the good foot.
I'll check back in, in a few days to let you know how things are going.
In the meantime,
I love you all.
I was scared, bewildered, nervous, but promised myself 2 things, I would find the good somewhere in all of this and I would start "on the good foot".
I did.
Now tomorrow I take the last and final step in this long journey.
Tomorrow I have "take down" surgery, which is just a fancy-schmancy way of saying ileostomy reversal. I can hardly wait. Living life with a colostomy bag has been unbelievable, unbelievably YUCK.
There was not a moment that I wasn't aware that I had it. It made me self conscious, unable to take regular showers (so not to loosen the seal)and hurt...bad. I have lived in black leggings since last August when I had surgery. I couldn't wear jeans or a lot of my clothes. It was always there, always present and in the back of my mind 24/7.
I've had to completely change my diet for fear of getting a blockage (which = immediate emergency room surgery) and have not had a fresh vegetable or fruit since I got the bag.
I want to dive right into a caesar salad and rub it all over my body at this point. Although the up-side is I could have all the eggs, meat, pasta and rice that I wanted with no weight gain. Going so far as to one day having made the ultra rich and fattening Hollandaise sauce made from 3 egg yolks and a stick of butter, and ate the entire thing...and didn't gain an ounce. Yeah, won't be able to do it again...but nice to get to do it at least once.
I lost 30-35 pounds. I'll take that side effect!!
And am determined to keep my weight down, eat healthier, be more active and keep every single follow up appointment.
I am going to live better.
And am I still scared and nervous?
Yes.
But will finish my journey, along with my incredible friends and Team Fuck Off (whom I could not have done any of this without..) on the good foot.
I'll check back in, in a few days to let you know how things are going.
In the meantime,
I love you all.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Healing...
It's been a whole year since I have been diagnosed. This post should have actually come before the last one I wrote..but it is what it is.
Unbelievable.
I do keep myself open to the signs of the Universe, so when I found out that Todd Rundgren (one of my favorite musical artists ever) was doing the album "Healing" (one of my favorite albums of all time)in it's entirety on the VERY anniversary of my diagnosis I knew that I was meant to be there.
Now I was still on chemo mind you , so getting there wasn't easy.
But I did it. And that was EXACTLY where I was supposed to be in that moment of time.
The message of "Healing" album is just that. You can heal yourself, others, the world. It takes time and it takes compassion, but it can be done.
The concert itself was healing...it's been a while since I've been out to see a really good concert, and since Cincinnati has a preponderance of shoe gazin', stare at the floor, don't move, hipsters in the music scene, (hello boring!!!)it was rare to get a full on entertainment experience of this scale. You know, people who look like they actually enjoy playing music and appreciate that the crowd is there? besides Todd is one of the most sincere musicians I have ever seen. It just radiates from him.
The closest thing I can compare a Todd Concert to is a revival meeting...there was not a person in their seat, there was dancing, singing, clapping and pure joy the entire time, so much so that after the curtain came down the entire audience...all 1000 of them kept singing together, in harmony for a good 10 minutes after Todd left the stage. I've never seen anything like it and I have been to thousands of concerts over the years.
Pretty amazing. I also got to meet Todd's wife and son and hangout with them for a few hours after the concert, Kasim Sultan, Todd's awesome bass player (who let me hold his bass as a counterpoint to the "how heavy is your bass?" discussion we were having) was charming and not too mention Cincinati friends who were there along with Todd devotees from all over the world. And I made some new friends.
It was an incredible night.
And the universe was providing exactly what I needed to be reminded of at that exact moment in time.
"You can be a healer...".
Sing it Todd, I'm listening and I won't forget ever again.
Unbelievable.
I do keep myself open to the signs of the Universe, so when I found out that Todd Rundgren (one of my favorite musical artists ever) was doing the album "Healing" (one of my favorite albums of all time)in it's entirety on the VERY anniversary of my diagnosis I knew that I was meant to be there.
Now I was still on chemo mind you , so getting there wasn't easy.
But I did it. And that was EXACTLY where I was supposed to be in that moment of time.
The message of "Healing" album is just that. You can heal yourself, others, the world. It takes time and it takes compassion, but it can be done.
The concert itself was healing...it's been a while since I've been out to see a really good concert, and since Cincinnati has a preponderance of shoe gazin', stare at the floor, don't move, hipsters in the music scene, (hello boring!!!)it was rare to get a full on entertainment experience of this scale. You know, people who look like they actually enjoy playing music and appreciate that the crowd is there? besides Todd is one of the most sincere musicians I have ever seen. It just radiates from him.
The closest thing I can compare a Todd Concert to is a revival meeting...there was not a person in their seat, there was dancing, singing, clapping and pure joy the entire time, so much so that after the curtain came down the entire audience...all 1000 of them kept singing together, in harmony for a good 10 minutes after Todd left the stage. I've never seen anything like it and I have been to thousands of concerts over the years.
Pretty amazing. I also got to meet Todd's wife and son and hangout with them for a few hours after the concert, Kasim Sultan, Todd's awesome bass player (who let me hold his bass as a counterpoint to the "how heavy is your bass?" discussion we were having) was charming and not too mention Cincinati friends who were there along with Todd devotees from all over the world. And I made some new friends.
It was an incredible night.
And the universe was providing exactly what I needed to be reminded of at that exact moment in time.
"You can be a healer...".
Sing it Todd, I'm listening and I won't forget ever again.
What a long strange trip it's been...
Yeah those last two rounds of chemo...suck city.
You haven't heard from me for two reasons...the last chemo, like I said above was rough...really rough. And I turned 50...
Uh huh, a banner couple of months or so.
I think this time I will spare you the details of the utter, sadness/boredom/depression/pain/worry/apathy/did I mention depression?/impatience...yeah all that and more. I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. You would think because you are so close to the end it would better, but somehow it just makes the time drag that much more...
Also the realization that it's been truly a year since I have been diagnosed, was almost too much to contemplate...a whole year of nothingness...not being able to do, to go, to accomplish. Especially for someone like me, that's equal to being in prison or hell.
And trust me, outside problems don't stop when you have cancer...and you have more because you have cancer so that makes it that much worse. More money problems, more getting around problems, more household problems, problems with my 16 year old daughter...trust me two self absorbed people (although for vastly different reasons...) do NOT a successful household make.
My first x husband dissapeared for a few months scaring me, my daughter and his parents, and my second was dragging ass in signing the divorce papers (for a year plus!) which was making me crazy because, seriously? after being gone for 4 years you really should not get my stuff if I die in surgery...my daughter should. Because in truth I am the ONLY one truly looking out for her wellbeing. Yeah like I said, the problems don't stop.
And those aforementioned things would drive a normal, healthy person batshit.
That I survived all that on top of cancer is what really impresses me...this shit is not for wimps or sissies or the faint of heart.
So that said, with all that going on I face the big 50.
Age has never really bothered me. I feel 24, look 35 and believe woleheartedly that it's a number...but an impressive number really. I have seen a half century of things. And they've been wonderful things... especially in music and technology.
I've seen bad too, the political situation scares the hell out of me right now. People seem to be less kind and self centered. With cancer you have to be self absorbed, you have to be paying attention and taking care of yourself or you will die.
Normal people? Yeah you have better have a damn good reason for being selfish.
But with 50 comes wisdom.
Damn the naysayers, don't make time for people and situations that are not worth it and don't have time for you, do what you love, be kind to the next person because whatever they are going through is just as hard as what you are going through. Fight for what you believe is right. Give generously. Be happy, the days are short and numbered. Cherish your friends and the people who love you. Surround yourself with cats and pug dogs. Be authentic, be yourself. To do anything else would be a disservice to the universe who knew very well why they put YOU here. Find the reason the universe put you here. Stop often and be grateful.
I celebrated my birthday surrounded by friends and music. People who I hadn't seen in 25 years made their way to my party to surprise me. Any friend I asked to play music with me that evening said yes woleheartedly and generously, And I realized such is the life I reaped, all of it, the bad but most importantly the mountains of good, and to realize that? That is the best knowledge, the best 50th birthday present of all.
That, and I'm finally done with chemo.
One last thing to do. Let's reverse this colostomy successfully in late May and let me get back to my life.
I'm ready for this long strange trip to end.
You haven't heard from me for two reasons...the last chemo, like I said above was rough...really rough. And I turned 50...
Uh huh, a banner couple of months or so.
I think this time I will spare you the details of the utter, sadness/boredom/depression/pain/worry/apathy/did I mention depression?/impatience...yeah all that and more. I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. You would think because you are so close to the end it would better, but somehow it just makes the time drag that much more...
Also the realization that it's been truly a year since I have been diagnosed, was almost too much to contemplate...a whole year of nothingness...not being able to do, to go, to accomplish. Especially for someone like me, that's equal to being in prison or hell.
And trust me, outside problems don't stop when you have cancer...and you have more because you have cancer so that makes it that much worse. More money problems, more getting around problems, more household problems, problems with my 16 year old daughter...trust me two self absorbed people (although for vastly different reasons...) do NOT a successful household make.
My first x husband dissapeared for a few months scaring me, my daughter and his parents, and my second was dragging ass in signing the divorce papers (for a year plus!) which was making me crazy because, seriously? after being gone for 4 years you really should not get my stuff if I die in surgery...my daughter should. Because in truth I am the ONLY one truly looking out for her wellbeing. Yeah like I said, the problems don't stop.
And those aforementioned things would drive a normal, healthy person batshit.
That I survived all that on top of cancer is what really impresses me...this shit is not for wimps or sissies or the faint of heart.
So that said, with all that going on I face the big 50.
Age has never really bothered me. I feel 24, look 35 and believe woleheartedly that it's a number...but an impressive number really. I have seen a half century of things. And they've been wonderful things... especially in music and technology.
I've seen bad too, the political situation scares the hell out of me right now. People seem to be less kind and self centered. With cancer you have to be self absorbed, you have to be paying attention and taking care of yourself or you will die.
Normal people? Yeah you have better have a damn good reason for being selfish.
But with 50 comes wisdom.
Damn the naysayers, don't make time for people and situations that are not worth it and don't have time for you, do what you love, be kind to the next person because whatever they are going through is just as hard as what you are going through. Fight for what you believe is right. Give generously. Be happy, the days are short and numbered. Cherish your friends and the people who love you. Surround yourself with cats and pug dogs. Be authentic, be yourself. To do anything else would be a disservice to the universe who knew very well why they put YOU here. Find the reason the universe put you here. Stop often and be grateful.
I celebrated my birthday surrounded by friends and music. People who I hadn't seen in 25 years made their way to my party to surprise me. Any friend I asked to play music with me that evening said yes woleheartedly and generously, And I realized such is the life I reaped, all of it, the bad but most importantly the mountains of good, and to realize that? That is the best knowledge, the best 50th birthday present of all.
That, and I'm finally done with chemo.
One last thing to do. Let's reverse this colostomy successfully in late May and let me get back to my life.
I'm ready for this long strange trip to end.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Bedside Manor...
Still rocking it...even though it's horizontaly...
I'm in the middle of my 5th round...only two more to go after this one. My hand and foot issues have gotten better because I slather on "Miracle Hand Repair" (even better than Udder Budder!!) every 30 minutes. But it's worked beyond belief, it's 60% aloe formula has been the only thing to take the heat out of my hands. the fatigue though? Through the roof...I think my sleep time has extended to about 16 hours a day. Basically, sleep, get up , eat, take meds, spend 15 minutes making pithy comments on facebook, go to sleep...repeat.
Quite the challenge to live your life from a bed...
I have systematically accrued everything I needed to manage the household and myself from the small wicker tables beside my bed...although the amount and sheer volume I've amassed would blow your mind...but something to keep in mind if you or someone you know has cancer...any or all items could be a godsend to them.
I was bored today (imagine that) so I made a list...all of this and I do mean ALL is directly to my right.--->
- 1 lamp and three small wicker tables
Communication items:
- one iPod, one work computer (for the once a week I can make myself delete the HUNDREDS of e-mails, so I won't be overwhelmed when I go back to work..) One secure ID, My iPad (the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT thing in this journey, I'd be lost and disconnected without it! thanks again to my P&G Auxiliary!!!), One Zagg computer keyboard so I can type more easily, remotes for the TV and DVD player, phone, phone charger and iPad case.
Medicine:
- One medicine box (so I can lay out what I'm taking each day so I don't under or overdose), A bottle each of Tums, Vitamin D3, Vitamin B12, Vitamin B6, Flintstones chewable with iron and a bottle of gummy vitamins to be healthy, Diphen/atropine, Hycosamine and Pepcid AC to keep the stomach pain at bay, alprazolam, ambien, elavil (which I have never even cracked)to sleep. 2 bottles of Xeloda big AND small pills (my chemo), 2 bottles of Motrin and a bottle of Advil, 2 bags of Hall's healthy immunity w/ zinc. Polysporin.
Beauty Stuff
- Cuticle scissors, toenail clippers, brush, comb, 3 lip balms, peppermint and spearmint essential oils, 3 various bottles of hand sanitizer, Cocoa Butter hand cream, Aquaphor, Shea Body Butter (2 jars), foot cooling gel, Crema Mani from Italy (a gorgeous lemon basil scented hand and lip balm) a nail file, 2 Bottles, 3 jars (one with shea butter and one with urea), 1 hand pump, all of Udder Budder cream, 5 tubes of Miracle Hand Repair, and 3 tubes of Aveeno Intense relief hand cream. 1 tin of J.R. Watkins cuticle salve (smells yummy!) 2 boxes of tissue. 2 hair scrunchies and a clip for my hair.
Things to keep me occupied:
- 12 skeins of yarn, 1 crochet hook and a pair of scissors,8 scarves that I have crocheted, 4 drawing notebooks, pastels, pencils, pens, magic markers, crayons, 2 drawing books (Drawing on the right side of the brain being one of those - Highly recommended!) watercolors. (All of which I have only used twice because I have the attention span if a gnat. *sigh*) About 20 books, 3/4 read so far..and a "fighting bug' motorized ladybug and 10 catnip mousies to amuse the kitties. And assorted magazines.
Food:
- One box of Pepperidge Farm Bordeaux cookies, a bag of Sweet tarts, a bag of Hershey kisses (both valentine editions) a bag of Godiva peppermint truffles, one lone candy cane leftover from Christmas, One Fanny May mint meltaway, 2 boxes of gum and a caffeine free Coke w/ straw.
Miscellaneous:
- One bag of large marshmallows (for when I change my bag), assorted pieces of mail, my purse, my Uggs, one gallon of water, plastic cups, One gallon of apple cider vinegar to take the heat out of my hands and feet, a pack of cigarettes, ashtray and 3 or 4 lighters, (I know, I know, I'm quitting after my final surgery...) 6 or 7 candles, from pumpkin to vanilla, because I can't use a lighter when my hands are bad, a trashcan (which needs emptying like 3 times a day...) a lint roller, loose change, a backscratcher, a Bed Buddy sinus pack I can heat up or cool when I get a headache, plastic bags for the trashcan, a hand fan for when the hotflashes hit, a pad of paper and a pen. One wicker box I can turn over and use as a table, and one dirty spoon...plus 3 cats.
And might I add all in a 3 X 3 foot space. And this doesn't even take into account all the books and DVDs.
OK listing all that stuff made me tired, I'm going back to bed...
I'm in the middle of my 5th round...only two more to go after this one. My hand and foot issues have gotten better because I slather on "Miracle Hand Repair" (even better than Udder Budder!!) every 30 minutes. But it's worked beyond belief, it's 60% aloe formula has been the only thing to take the heat out of my hands. the fatigue though? Through the roof...I think my sleep time has extended to about 16 hours a day. Basically, sleep, get up , eat, take meds, spend 15 minutes making pithy comments on facebook, go to sleep...repeat.
Quite the challenge to live your life from a bed...
I have systematically accrued everything I needed to manage the household and myself from the small wicker tables beside my bed...although the amount and sheer volume I've amassed would blow your mind...but something to keep in mind if you or someone you know has cancer...any or all items could be a godsend to them.
I was bored today (imagine that) so I made a list...all of this and I do mean ALL is directly to my right.--->
- 1 lamp and three small wicker tables
Communication items:
- one iPod, one work computer (for the once a week I can make myself delete the HUNDREDS of e-mails, so I won't be overwhelmed when I go back to work..) One secure ID, My iPad (the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT thing in this journey, I'd be lost and disconnected without it! thanks again to my P&G Auxiliary!!!), One Zagg computer keyboard so I can type more easily, remotes for the TV and DVD player, phone, phone charger and iPad case.
Medicine:
- One medicine box (so I can lay out what I'm taking each day so I don't under or overdose), A bottle each of Tums, Vitamin D3, Vitamin B12, Vitamin B6, Flintstones chewable with iron and a bottle of gummy vitamins to be healthy, Diphen/atropine, Hycosamine and Pepcid AC to keep the stomach pain at bay, alprazolam, ambien, elavil (which I have never even cracked)to sleep. 2 bottles of Xeloda big AND small pills (my chemo), 2 bottles of Motrin and a bottle of Advil, 2 bags of Hall's healthy immunity w/ zinc. Polysporin.
Beauty Stuff
- Cuticle scissors, toenail clippers, brush, comb, 3 lip balms, peppermint and spearmint essential oils, 3 various bottles of hand sanitizer, Cocoa Butter hand cream, Aquaphor, Shea Body Butter (2 jars), foot cooling gel, Crema Mani from Italy (a gorgeous lemon basil scented hand and lip balm) a nail file, 2 Bottles, 3 jars (one with shea butter and one with urea), 1 hand pump, all of Udder Budder cream, 5 tubes of Miracle Hand Repair, and 3 tubes of Aveeno Intense relief hand cream. 1 tin of J.R. Watkins cuticle salve (smells yummy!) 2 boxes of tissue. 2 hair scrunchies and a clip for my hair.
Things to keep me occupied:
- 12 skeins of yarn, 1 crochet hook and a pair of scissors,8 scarves that I have crocheted, 4 drawing notebooks, pastels, pencils, pens, magic markers, crayons, 2 drawing books (Drawing on the right side of the brain being one of those - Highly recommended!) watercolors. (All of which I have only used twice because I have the attention span if a gnat. *sigh*) About 20 books, 3/4 read so far..and a "fighting bug' motorized ladybug and 10 catnip mousies to amuse the kitties. And assorted magazines.
Food:
- One box of Pepperidge Farm Bordeaux cookies, a bag of Sweet tarts, a bag of Hershey kisses (both valentine editions) a bag of Godiva peppermint truffles, one lone candy cane leftover from Christmas, One Fanny May mint meltaway, 2 boxes of gum and a caffeine free Coke w/ straw.
Miscellaneous:
- One bag of large marshmallows (for when I change my bag), assorted pieces of mail, my purse, my Uggs, one gallon of water, plastic cups, One gallon of apple cider vinegar to take the heat out of my hands and feet, a pack of cigarettes, ashtray and 3 or 4 lighters, (I know, I know, I'm quitting after my final surgery...) 6 or 7 candles, from pumpkin to vanilla, because I can't use a lighter when my hands are bad, a trashcan (which needs emptying like 3 times a day...) a lint roller, loose change, a backscratcher, a Bed Buddy sinus pack I can heat up or cool when I get a headache, plastic bags for the trashcan, a hand fan for when the hotflashes hit, a pad of paper and a pen. One wicker box I can turn over and use as a table, and one dirty spoon...plus 3 cats.
And might I add all in a 3 X 3 foot space. And this doesn't even take into account all the books and DVDs.
OK listing all that stuff made me tired, I'm going back to bed...
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