Truth...and Dare

One of those weeks where cancer was the least of my worries...

Emma's dad went missing for two weeks and it took it's toll. He's been found.So there's a relief there, but it took out about everything I had in the process.

When you have cancer, you just get depleted, in vitamins, minerals, weight, brain power, energy, patience, money, happiness...well really just about everything but the support and love from your friends.

And sometimes that comes in seemingly strange packages.
Even though today should have been a stellar day (Anne in town, nice day outside, hand and feet better than last time at this juncture) I couldn't sleep for the last couple of days and it took EVERYTHING I had to drag myself out of bed this morning (well, OK this afternoon) to eat with Anne, Emma and Kevin.

As I made a half hearted attempt to brush my hair, looking in the mirror I did not recognize myself. "Oh my god, I look like shit" And the truth was I did. And Anne bless her heart and the most fabulous friend I have, looked me straight in the eye and said " yeah, you do look really, really tired" And that my friends is true love. She didn't sugarcoat, she didn't try to bullshit me, she just called it like it was. Which let me know I was right and I needed to do something about it.

I feel so bad and weird all the time, sometimes my friends can kind of trick me into thinking it's not as bad as it is and it's "fabulous as usual". And sometimes that's a good thing. Today it wasn't and Anne knew it.

So after eating lunch and hugging my beautiful friend good-by, I went back to bed, because what I needed most was sleep...and lot's of it.

Daring to tell the truth. Today, a good thing.

Badass

My friend January Fairy regularly calls me a Badass...meaning I rock anything...kick out the jams, get it done and make amazing things happen on a regular basis.

I really take every opportunity offered to me along with creating some of my own. Some of my more stellar achievements? Having the lead in "Once upon a Mattress" and being Anita in "West Side Story", Going to College, learning how to play 5 different instruments, being in and leading countless bands (good ones!),Being a really cool Mom, surviving two marriages, touring the world (Japan, Curacao, Turkey, Spain, Italy, Dublin and the United states), being a video and interactive producer for places like LensCrafters, and Ethicon Endosurgery and GE, making the very first interactive program for P&G (for Cascade dishwashing liquid), designing countless websites, being an amazing bartender and waitress,putting together benefits for STOPAIDS, releasing two albums good enough to make it into the Top albums of 2007 and 2009 in Cincinnati's CityBeat, having my own art showing, Buying my very own house in a neighborhood I love, and writing a cookbook.

Yes I am a Badass...just didn't realize I "Had" a bad ass...

So in steps rectal cancer...or as I try not to think of it..."wrecked-all cancer".
Every single accomplishment I did...I did and I moved on to the next awesome thing. It was an experience with good and bad things that made up the whole. And I have decided this new experience is no different. there is some good in here and I will find it. I will.

I already realize the first positive thing is I TRULY REALIZED I have the BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD. Have you ever sat down and counted your good friends? Literally counted?...I had never done that, just knew I had a lot of great ones. When I set down to gather the e-mails for my "Team Fuck Off" I started to realize there were a LOT of names on that list, old friends from way back in high school, new friends I have known less than a year, friends in other states and countries, So many I literally sat down and counted...and then I cried.
Because I realized that my greatest accomplishment so far was "I am a woman with MANY friends".

And the next Badass accomplishment on the list?
No longer having one...