Baby's on Fire....

OK I am not even gonna mess around on this one. Times is bad my friends.
The lyrics that have been running around my head like a crazy hamster on a wheel for the last 4 days, brought to you by the lovely Brian Eno:

"Baby's on fire, better throw her in the water
She said she was hot stuff, and that's what baby's been reduced to...

Radiation has kicked in full force and it REALLY SUCKS.
I basically feel like I have a bladder infection 24/7...so instead of feeling like I am on fire when I am peeing I feel like that ALL...THE...TIME.
Can't sleep...I'm jumping up to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes. Not hungry...afraid to eat anything even slightly spicy because it makes the fire that much more intolerable..can't focus, can't sit down, can't stand up. Can't...stand...feeling...this ...way!!!!!!!!

It was so bad on Monday that they would not give me my radiation treatment..which of course pushed back my "Thursday-I'm-finally-done-with-chunk-one" happy day.

And the Dr. I saw at the hospital who wouldn't let me get the treatment (My regular radiation doc is on vacay) pissed me off royally because he told me in no uncertain terms that my surgeon would NOT want me having my last three "boost" treatments (Boost is where they aim a more concentrated ray at the tumor itself) because quote..unquote..."She thinks that they make it harder for you to heal".
I said "Does it make it harder for you to heal?"...then he said "Well, she thinks so" So I was banned from radiation Monday and told to return Tuesday am at 9 to talk to him after he touched base with my surgeon...

Onto, 10 AM Tuesday morning...I've set at the hospital for an hour...haven't seen the Dr., haven't had my treatment (because I'm not allowed to without talking to him first)and I was REALLY starting to get mad...and scared.

Don't know if you realize, but once they radiate you in an area of your body, they can never radiate there again. It's a one shot deal. And now I was starting to get REALLY MAD that I was going to lose these last three treatments because the surgeon "thinks it's a bad idea" and why the hell didn't I hear about this like 5 WEEKS AGO??? Would I spend the rest of my life worrying that my cancer could come back because I missed an opportunity that could never come again?
And on top of everything else... I had to go to the bathroom AGAIN. I was definitely not having a good day.

So finally I went back to the nurse's desk and asked what was going on..."Oh The Dr. doesn't need to see you today."...what?? (well then why the hell didn't he call and tell me that??) "But I can't get my treatment without his OK.."..so they called him and what did he say? "Oh it's fine the surgeon totally thinks she should have the boost."

Crap. All that worry and freak out for nothing, Dr's need to do a better job realizing that every single word out of their mouths has the potential to make a huge emotional impact, every time they open their mouths... and a day added to my chunk one schedule. (and in the back of my mind I am thinking..crap, asshole, shithead...)

BUT. I am almost done with radiation. 3...days...to...go.
Yeah, You could say I'm all kinds of "fired up".